How to have a Deeper Connection with your Family: 3 Questions at Dinner
In order to consistently stay connected, we started a new tradition this fall when school started…
3 Questions at Dinner
Originally written: 9.10.2020
Last updated: 20.8.2022
Written by Suzan AlakasSuzan is Growtharmony’s Founder and Editor-In-Chief. She is passionate about spreading the amazing work and inspiring stories of heart-centered, women entrepreneurs with effective, kind communication. When Suzan’s not writing, finding leverage points or learning something new - you can find her in the garden, playing in the snow with her family, or in the kitchen cooking up a nourishing meal!
IMPORTANT Information
“Wait, why didn’t I know that you are so interested in football now?”
As much as we may try to live a slower, more consciously crafted day, we often default to the fast paced culture around us - and miss important information about our families and loved ones.
More and more, family members have different schedules, and our wide variety of tasks and activities pull us in opposite directions. It’s hard enough to keep track of who is doing what and when - and usually the deeper “why” is left out.
3 Specific Questions for Each Person
In order to consistently stay connected, we started a new tradition this fall when school started - at the dinner table we each talk about our day by answering 3 specific questions.
I love this tradition for so many reasons!
Each of us get a chance to speak, and also lots of active listening practice.
We stay connected daily - even with different hobbies, interests and schedules.
These questions go deeper than “how was your day”, and encourage more than one word answers.
What made you HAPPY today, and why?
Interests and passions light us up and often make us happy. This is a great question to learn more about our family members’ personality, passions and current interests.
[Bonus tip: take note of these answers the next time you plan activities together or buy presents!]
Another benefit of this question is for the speaker. Even when we are going through a rough day, we can positively affect our neurology when we reflect on what went right. This question allows us to find something to be grateful about - even a small part of our day that made us happy.
2. What made you SAD or MAD today, and why?
Asking what makes someone sad or mad, taps deeply into our desires and values.
When asking this question, and allowing the speaker to talk through his/her feelings, we create a safe and open environment to share our struggles. This builds trust and connection.
This question gives the opportunity to discuss and learn life lessons. We are given an opportunity to practice processing and handling “low vibe emotions” and becoming more aware of ourselves; and then when we are calm, we can learn from the experience.
I also keep my ears open for the sources of the sadness or anger - for example, if any red flag come up around bullying / toxic relationships or if repeated instances of sadness occur that need to be addressed.
3. What did you LEARN?
Aah, the growth question! Here we connect with how we are all growing and developing. We hear about which projects we are working on, skills we are practicing, and what we’ve observed about ourselves, others and the world around us.
As Tony Robbins teaches, growth is one of the 6 basic human needs. As humans, we feel fulfilled when we are learning and growing, so we can inquire about and relate to the fulfilling experience of our family members with this question.
Marketing blogger Seth Godin asks this question to his child each day, and depending on the age and goals of each family member, we can:
Challenge each other
Acknowledge progress made
Celebrate stepping outside of our comfort zone
Reflect upon goals we’ve achieved
Every family’s schedule is so different, and I often wonder how many families connect together on a daily basis. I feel it’s an important part of our day, and meal time gives the opportunity to sit together and have deeper conversations.
By consistently asking questions about what made us happy/sad/mad, and what we learned, we can work through our emotions together, have sympathy and empathy for each other, and build trust - for healthier relationship and deeper connections. 💕
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If you’re a parent and curious about the long term impact of connecting with your children, check out our articles “Children Of the Sun: Part 1” in our Fall 2021 issue of Growtharmony Magazine and “Children of the Sun: Part 2” in our Summer 2022 issue.
To learn to be more aware of your emotions, read our article “It Started with a Horse” in our Summer 2022 issue of Growtharmony Magazine about cultivating emotional awareness with animals.